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I need Jen's help. I think. I'm notsure. That dream, last night. I've become a hand in a glove. Twodistinct parts, my hand and my body. But they fit. Like a glove. Its noeffort to feel myself here in this body, to sit here. Its all just somystical but it responds, naturally, effortlessly. I pick up anothercigarette and take it to my lips. I light it with her lighter, pulling,enhaling. I watch the smoke swirl and billow as I exhale. Holding thecigarette in my lips, I pull my hair back, arching my back, stretching,exhaling a cloud from my nostrils. The nicotine helps. Focus. Focus. I get up. Tonight is important. I know that. We need to bethere. Both of us. Jen and I. I walk around the apartment. Openingdrawers helps. Looking into cupboards, tiptoeing to see what's up high.Little snatches of recognition. I look at her again in the mirror. Shelooks so beautiful to me. I turn away. I have to.I don't lie down although I want to. I should call my friend,. I’d just as soon we didn’t get that worked up ... I mean like that boy and girl did in the horse stall that night.”“We won’t do any of that other stuff, Joss, I promise. Please take my hand like you said the boy did with that girl. Run into the barn holding my hand, then kiss me. Kiss me lots of times, just like it was them kissing, instead of us. Will you show me all you saw? Please?”“Darla, I’m still not sure about us doing this. But if you’re bound and determined this is what you want, I’ll do exactly what the boy did with that girl. Right up to where she pulled him down into the straw. That’s as far as they went, and a whole lot further than we’ll go. I’m scared as hell just doing this much and I don’t know anything about a girl’s body anyway. Do you agree with me about all that?”“I agree, Joss. Just kiss me as many times as that boy kissed his girl. Make out like it was happening to them all over again. I can picture them in my mind and I can feel what she was feeling as he led.
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